Thursday, October 9, 2008

“My name?It’s Cesar Mendez but they call me Cuz.You know, on account of me being a doorman and all of a sudden everyone's family.”CeaserMendez Bouncer

I used to work in London, doing my thing for the world economy at JP Morgan. It seems I had escaped my nic name of Pi Face for a few months, but that was short lived. I worked in trade support and after about 6 months of making new friends and nobody knowing any of the more sordid and dodgy details of my past (after all I lied through my teeth on my CV saying I had a B.Com degree with no mention of my actual sports science degree) a guy I knew from Cape Town - Riley, joined as a junior trader on the futures and options desk which is the one I worked closely with. It was not even lunchtime and I had all the traders ringing up asking to please speak to Piiiiiii Faaaaaace... they are a brash and confidant bunch these money makers and always looking to get the upper hand in a small piece of knowledge and having this one over me was as sweet as making a huge score on a deal I can tell you. The entertainment did not stop. Obviously Riley had spilt the beans the night before, using this tit bit of knowledge to gain some points of favour with the big boys.
Well now it was time for the big wheel to turn.

I popped up to the trading floor and while still about 20 rows of trading screens back from my guys, I could hear the over friendly and gratuitously loud greetings in their poncy toff accents: "Oh look, it's Piiiii Face. How are you today Piiiii Face." I quietened the rowdy bunch down with some 'I will beat you so hard you will fink youz surrounded' looks that the oaks in Kempton Park use on each other.
Then I dished up the goods on Riley. He used to be a bouncer at LA MED in Camps Bay you see. So it was just too easy to get the traders all excited about this little pearl of info. They could not wait for him to come in. He was scheduled for the late shift and was only due in a few hours but they all wanted a go at him, so they called him in early under the pretence of a work issue and then when he got there you can imagine how they let fly. Not too many doorman working on the JP Morgan trading floor I can assure you.
When the dude who hired him (Giles was his name ... of course it was) heard the spicy bit of news he was overjoyed. "Bouncer!" He exclaimed."I thought when he said that in his interview he meant Duetsche!"

post script: By saying Deutsche he was referring to the Deutche Bank which is possibly one of the references Riley would be giving when trying to impress his new employers.

Post post script: I too have done my stint as a doorman. At a club in Boston. The image of me above was sketched by my buddy Jeff who worked across the street as a Pizza maker before becoming a Mafioso hit man. I used to sit at this fancy cocktail lounge and 'card' all the 30 year olds. Aaaah the power of the Bouncers. Don't you hate them so?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

all lies....